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Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/12/2008 3:46:11 AM
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mattj4792
Posts: 12
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline
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Hi,
I am 16 years old, and I have grown up in a christian and conservative home. I am constantly worried about whether or not I will go to heaven. I will have one week when I am on fire for the Lord, and the next week I am just over it and forget to pray, etc. Besides this, I am battling.... it shames me to say this... homosexuality. I know it is wrong, and my family looks down upon it, also. I do not even know what they would do if they found out. I have read scriptures that say that homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of God. This scares me. I feel like I have a strong attraction to the same sex... ew it is disgusting, I know; but I have tried a lot to stop, and change my attractions, and I always seem to fail and fall right back to where I was. I feel like the Bible is giving me mixed messages. It says that you will go to heaven if you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and then in a different part, it says that certain people will not go to heaven. Also, yesterday I was reading about the end time prophecies, and the bible says that the overall church of Christ will be Lukewarm, and that lukewarm christians will not enter heaven. I mean, it is one thing to say you are a christian (is that what lukewarm means?) but like, once you actually accept Jesus Christ into your heart, aren't you saved? Or do you need to be on fire for Christ 24/7? The bible is really confusing me and giving me mixed messages, and it really sucks because of my attractions, it just makes me doubt the bible even more :/. Also, what can I do to become ex-gay?
Please help!
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/12/2008 4:14:43 AM
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Ezra
Posts: 1833
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Hello Matt, and welcome to CW:
Since you have been raised in a conservative Christian home, your family must be associated with a local church. Why have you not sought out a pastor or elder in your church to talk about this? That would be more helpful than getting a hundred different opinions.
Salvation is by God's grace through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. But genuine faith and repentance go hand in hand. So you might want to ask yourself if you truly repented of your sins when you received Christ as Lord and Savior.
At the same Christians are not exempt from temptations. However, God has provided every believer with the indwelling Holy Spirit. He can give you the power to overcome your temptations towards homosexuality, provided you are prepared to "crucify" or "mortify" or put to death the old sinful tendencies within yourself.
You need to communicate your need for help and assurance of salvation with your spiritual shepherds so that they can pray for you as they counsel you.
And you yourself need to be in much prayer, particularly that the Lord will remove this perverted desire and give you a desire for a healthy and proper relationship with the opposite sex until such time as you get married.
_____________________________
And whosoever will, let him take the Water of Life freely. Revelation 22:17
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/12/2008 4:33:49 AM
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mattj4792
Posts: 12
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline
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I wish I could do that, but my uncle is the pastor of my church, and I already know some of the elders, and even the ones I don't know might know who I am
So up to this point I have just been trying to deal with this by myself
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/12/2008 4:41:35 AM
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PureLight
Posts: 206
Joined: 4/30/2008
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This is what worked for me, I battle the same sin but rest assured! You have victory in Christ.
Like Ezra said, look for someone to talk to in the church family. Someone you can trust and truly get good direction from.
While yes, God is very direct when talking about homosexuality, He also tells you that if you are in Christ, you are a new creation! (2 Co 5:17)
And I know this is going to be hard, but you're going to have to talk about this out loud, not just here online, although this is a great step! If it is kept inside, it's an accusation to be used against you inside your head. Like it is right now.
Do not think you are alone in this, there are men and women all over the world that deal with this and the biggest lie you can be fed is that you are alone. You are not. At the very least, I can say my testimony is the same.
Have faith because this is what Jesus died for and rose again to conquer. Don't doubt the Word of God, but please, definitely, doubt those lies that say that you are stuck.
Talk to your Heavenly Father in prayer, He is the only one who can save you but you need to come to Him. He's waiting and ready! 
I'll be checking this thread, so don't worry, again, you. are. not. alone.
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/12/2008 9:09:31 AM
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timf
Posts: 462
Joined: 10/20/2006
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and it really sucks because of my attractions
There is a phenomena that many people experience when walking next to a precipice such as a cliff or the edge of a roof of a tall building. They suddenly get an urge to jump. The idea seems to come from out of the blue, yet a person stands very close to destruction.
Satan does this with many situations where we come close to danger. The Bible says that we can protect ourselves by making no provision for the flesh. This is like an alcoholic that decides to take a longer way to walk home after work than passing by a bar.
One way attractions can be dealt with is to stop feeding them, such as decreasing the frequency and the intensity one gives them. Another way to deal with attractions is to carry them to their natural conclusion. For example a person may lust after wealth. He may then give thought to what would happen if he was wealthy. He might consider how much time he would spend looking after his possessions. He might then begin to see how he could become enslaved by that which he thought would give him freedom. By using the cold light of truth, the foul nature of corruption can be seen for what it is and the attraction can turn into repulsion.
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/12/2008 10:28:26 AM
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LoveGod_LovePeople
Posts: 9
Joined: 11/9/2008
From: Illinois
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Also, if you really can't find anyone in your church who you believe won't go and tell your parents then i would try to find a good Christian counselor who could help you as well. Although I do think it would be more beneficial to you to talk to someone who knows you well.
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/14/2008 1:24:06 PM
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whitepoodle
Posts: 13
Joined: 11/13/2008
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quote:
I feel like the Bible is giving me mixed messages. It says that you will go to heaven if you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and then in a different part, it says that certain people will not go to heaven. Also, yesterday I was reading about
As long as Christ is your Lord you are saved because of His perfection not your's.
As others have suggested try to keep straight but also keep in mind perfection is not the test of whether you follow Christ, if it were we all would fall on our faces.
Try to stay calm , ask him for guidance but just take small steps every day and before you know it you can be well on your way.
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/14/2008 3:32:20 PM
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bob97
Posts: 2014
Joined: 6/24/2006
From: Kansas
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Matt...
You might have a tendency that will stay with you for your life time…it is not just something that will disappear on it’s own…on the other hand it might very well just go away and it’s just a stage of life. Regardless you have it today and it’s something you have to learn to control. Your sin is not having the urges; the sin is giving in to them.
One thing you might try is to focus on the negative aspects of the urge…the disease, the filthy aspect of it, etc…just focus on what’s wrong with it and not what seems the desirable aspect. Every time the urge hits you switch to the negative in you mind. You’ve already done this to a degree because you understand that God doesn’t condone it.
I have this technique with desirable women in the past…when I start to fantasize I ask myself…what does she have that I don’t want. Believe me this works…it will turn off the urges.
The people you really need to talk to are those who have prevail over the desire because it’s easy for those who have never experienced the urge to say…well you should just stop.
Bob
_____________________________
The LORD clears the road for me!
The LORD is my high ridge, my stronghold, my deliverer!
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/14/2008 11:34:06 PM
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deborlie
Posts: 54
Joined: 8/9/2007
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Hi Matt.
I come to you with no authority, but with my heart ................
When I was in high school psycology class, the subject came up. The book said that the feelings toward one of the same sex is common in the teen years, and it passes, as you go on with life. (This is ancient history and I feel this is not being said anymore.) But it is something for you to consider. If you are just thinking about it, trust that you will overcome it.
I, myself, remember being attracted to a teacher whom I admired very much. But, really it was because she gave me some extra incouragement in my studies, and the closeness, her caring, making me feel special, which I did need at the time. My young mind, distorted reallity, and I wondered about myself. I know now, she meant nothing more than giving me encouragement, and confidence in myself. I yet, appreciate this person who gave so much in the love of her profession. I'll be ever grateful to her.
The psycology book came to my rescue, and I continued my life as it was intended.
My nephew was not so fortunate. A teacher introduced him to the life style, in his teen years. He died of homosexual induced Aides. Earlier he attempted suicide, he was turned over to a homosexual psychiatrist (sp) who accepted the life style. He would never find that he could say no. I seen him as a loved starved teen in need of kindness. Someone took advantage of that, plus no one knew enough to tell him that this to will pass.
My thought to you is to give yourself a fair chance. Say no to your feelings, with the idea that with time and age this to shall pass, and no longer plague you. Think on other things
Resist others. T.V. and movie promotion are not fact, but fiction.
Pay attention to what the others here have said to you. You are recieving kind and caring advise.
As far as being heaven bound, there is no sin that will keep you out, if you truly believe the gospel as Paul has given it to us. Does this mean it is all right to continue in a known sin? No, it doesn't. Give Jesus the chance to help you through it. Be repentent, and keep the faith.
Prayers,
BJ
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/17/2008 9:23:41 PM
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leonfigg3
Posts: 376
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Hi Matt,
Let me begin by saying that I have not experienced the same issue that you have. I will say that most of my life I have tried to deal with my issues with sex, intimacy (relationships), and self esteem most of my life, on my own. In relation to what I have learned about myself, and my issues, lately, all that self analysis and reflection amounted to nothing. One of the keys is to let God minister to you in His time and in His way. Another key is to be open and willing to receive counseling, or at least talk with a well gronded Christian man, or group of Christian men; possibly men involved with a study of Everyman's Battle series of books.
The main key is to get into the Bible. Read it. Study it. Develop a relationship with Jesus and submit yourself, your issues and your questions to Him through prayer/ journaling.
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/20/2008 4:04:04 PM
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theredhog
Posts: 56
Joined: 9/23/2008
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matt,
Maybe BJ is right on the money... I had some questions about a homosexual minister that I asked a Psychologist about. This man is mega educated and just down right wise. While discussing the topic of being homosexual..what causes it, can it be changed, etc... he told me that for a guy to be homosexual, that he is just kind of fixated in a certain stage of his sexuality....basically saying that he has some immaturity where all this is concerned. He said he told a young man who claimed to not be attracted to women at all to "go ahead and think what you will, you will eventually want a woman."
I started to reply to your post several days ago but just wasn't sure if I should or not. Because, I have never heard that either, as BJ mentioned. Perhaps it could be the truth. I know for certain that there are men, and probably woman, who are "stuck" in some phase of their sexuality and don't behave as they should..even being heterosexual.
If you believe that the Son of God paid for your sin on the cross, you should be comforted in that. Evidently, you don't fit the category of people in Romans 1 because you CARE what God thinks about you and you care about the "rightness or wrongness" of your leanings.
God knows about all these thoughts and fears in your heart, so just be blunt and open with Him as you go through your day in talking it out and "reasoning" with Him. He has invited us to reason. As I was writing this I thought about what he said when He invited us to reason..."though your sins be as scarlet..they shall be white as snow".
Take comfort in the fact that you are so loved by God that He sent His son to die for your sins. If He went to that trouble, I really believe He will help you to rationalize and reason as you include Him in your life..everyday all day ..He is with you all day, might as well take full advantage of it. When you wake up at night, be aware of His presence. He is there.
Cast your cares on the Lord because you matter to Him.
redhog
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/20/2008 9:20:49 PM
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chasbeck1
Posts: 26
Joined: 11/18/2008
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Matt, I have just read all of the posts to your query. I sense a great deal
of love and compassion in all that has been said. I just want to encourage
you to dive into the Word of God and continue to develop your relationship with Jesus Christ. He loves you more than you can imagine. He died for you. The bible says that He was tempted in all things yet He remained sinless. He knows the struggle you are having. There is a scripture passage in Philippians 1:6 that says,"He who began a good work in you will be faithfull to complete it until the day of Christ. That good work was started in you the day you accepted Him as Savior.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of excape, that you will be able to bear it" Stay close to Jesus Christ, and seek His guidance and direction in much prayer. I also was in the same place as you early on in my life, but Christ, through His grace and His unfathomable love helped me through it. He will do the same for you.
I will keep you in prayer for Christ to strengthen you and keep safe.
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/21/2008 6:55:53 PM
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bravjim
Posts: 395
Joined: 10/8/2008
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Matt:
First I would like to ask if you are attracted to girls as well? What you are experiencing may just be confusion, or a phase.
There are many homosexuals who say that they are born with those desires, and there was a long time that I completely disagreed with them. I always swore it was a choice. But after reading the bible, and learning that we are born according to an imperfect nature, a sinful nature, that we inherit a sinful nature from our father. I have come to the point where I now can agree with them that they may be born that way. I know that I was born with a desire to exploit women, which is a sinful way to live. It is part of my Adamic nature. It is not unthinkable that men and women can be born with the desire to be with people of the same sex. However, you do still have a choice.
The fact that you have this desire living within you does not condemn you. When we are born again, we are born in Spirit. The Spirit wars against the nature of the flesh, and the flesh against the Spirit. As a believer, you are free from giving in to your sinful nature because of the Holy Spirit living in you. That does not mean that the battle will not continue, or that the desires we experience will stop at some point. If you choose to walk according to the Spirit, you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. It is your choice. Jesus said that "I set before you life and death; choose life." The desire may still be there, but there is nothing that will cause you to give into the feeling other than sin living in you. We are not led by our feelings, but by the Spirit.
_____________________________
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfilll the lust of the flesh.
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 11/22/2008 2:48:56 PM
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terryjohn
Posts: 470
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Dear friend all sexual desires with out love and out side faith are sins. I once heard a sister in Christ talk about a homosexual friend of hers who was as you say tromented by his homosexual desires and yet was a christian. Now some would suppose that if these desires where for women they would be normal, acceptable and okay but scripture makes it clear they are not.
Now what struck me about this girls friend was that he found could not resist falling into bed with men even as a christian, this shocked me since at the time I struggled with my desires for women but I had never fallen in to bed with them. Now this did not make me any the less guilty of lust than him but it did annoyed me that he should have fallen so far.
However, the one thing Christ Himself has shown me is that love and sex are not necessarily the same thing. The truth is there are far too many people having sex and far too little love involved. Actually, if it helps, when I was begining to think about a wife I saw some amazing sisters in Christ but I soon felt that I was unworthy of them not that I was not saved but simply out of my love for them I wanted them to end up with someone better than I was. Again it was not that I was worse than others for by most peoples standards I was a good catch. There weren't any sins that I could point to that made me unworthy for I was and still am in Christ, but what made me want more for these sisters was my love for them. Even before coming to Christ I realised that I could not have lustful thoughts about women I truely fell in love with and concluded that in the end I would have to marry a woman I did not love as much.
Even to day when I see a beautiful woman, I acknowelge their beauty and give thanks to God and in my love I honour them as I would Chirst Himself. To do otherwise is to deny love itself and when you learn to love that is hard to do, infact, men have been known to die to up hold the honour of their love (John 3:16).
What God says to all men tormented by sexual desires is, learn to really love and the desires of the flesh will surely melt away for love has nothing to do with feeding the desires of the flesh. Love does not seek to abuse, defile and debase the object of love. Love demands that we sacrifce all we are for love. Some then suppose that they will be saved by faith but Paul says something else is needed.1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
The love for Christ and of Christ will set you free, whereas will power will not. If I loved Christ and others more, I would not now be married. Do you understand?
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 12/15/2008 10:12:43 PM
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andresamson83
Posts: 5
Joined: 12/15/2008
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Hey Matt. Ill try to add a few helpful comments. I just want to mention that with homosexuality its the act that is condemned not the tendency. Were all born sinners and some have a tendency to lie, some to steal, some to be violent and some to like the same sex etc.. Now just like any other sins, its the regular practice that proves someone is not saved like in the passage you're making reference to (galatians 5:19) but youre not practicing homosexuality, having a tendency towards it just means youre a sinner like the rest of us. read 1 Corrinthians 6:9-11. It speaks of Christians who used to practice sins (such as homosexually) but dont anymore. It doesnt say they dont have the tendency but that they dont practice it. maybe youll always have it, maybe it"ll pass. this could be your thorn in the flesh or something you can look to God to help you with and a way you can glorify Him even more, living for Him despite this problem. youre not alone, others have the exact same problem as you and they're living for God just like any other christian. and with salvation, just because you doubt it doesnt mean youre not saved. most christians will doubt from time to time and its just the result of satan knowing youre saved and attacking you. But the scripture is filled with pictures of assurance (like the helmet of salvation, guarding you from doubts in your mind (ephesians 6) and jeremiah 45 which was a help for me etc... etc..) anyway thats all for now. "Go in peace"-Luke 7:50
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 12/15/2008 10:57:18 PM
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Myztro
Posts: 10
Joined: 7/12/2005
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Many of these answers are right on but I thought I'd try to summarize and simplify...
1. Salvation is a new spirit given through our acceptance of Christ.
2. The flesh will always cause us to struggle against the truth.
3. This struggle does not disqualify us of the gift.
4. You are not alone. Every person is attracted to something God opposes... Sexual or otherwise.
5. Don't put your focus on the sin. Keep studying, praying and believing that the desire that brought you to him was given by him.
You need to listen for his voice... Rember that convicting passion that you felt when you decided that you would follow him? That is the same spirit that is speaking to you now and telling you that what the word says about sexuality is true. Believe it and trust in him.
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 12/15/2008 11:25:12 PM
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bushwendy
Posts: 9
Joined: 12/15/2008
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hi there..I am the farthest away from your situation but I stumbled upon your post.
I am a grandma and a Christian
Christ came with a very clear message and clear,specific instructions.
Love God with all your and soul and mind.
Love each other (not a sexual reference)
Treat your neighbor like you would want to be treated
Judge NOT lest you be judged ( a biggy in the new testament)
FORGIVE...each other and yourself
Christ had and has a message of love.
Being a teenager is not an easy thing to do today (maybe never was) Hormones run wild, peer pressure, media influence and a world that has lost it's sense of ethics.
Do not beat yourself up. Take time to develop your other qualities, hobbies, and skills. Study hard at school... and pray.
The answer is WITHIN YOU.
strive to be happy. You are a creation of God. God loves you. You are no better or worse than anyone ... when you doubt yourself, know that God loves you. know that it is wrong for ANYONE to judge you. Judging belongs to God, only.
There are so many boundaries and dividers of people today. Many Christians and other religions have lost sight of that which we have in common....and just love.
You will figure it all out...pray..celebrate your life with joy and not saddness. you are loved...you...
I am not gay, I cannot imagine that anyone chooses the angish of such a stigma. No matter what, hold your head up high. You are a child of God. Having a relationship with Jesus is a very personal thing and only you can walk that road.
put on a happy face kiddo, the world will open up to you and your journey is just beginning, read pray and continue your journey...life is a blast if you celbrate your God given life and if you strive to be happy
God bless
grandma
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 12/15/2008 11:43:21 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 2242
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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Hey Matt,
There is a wonderful ministry that is helps those caught in homosexuality called Exodus. (Just click here for their site.) They have a link to put you in touch with counselors who are experienced in helping you with this. I was looking on their web page while looking this up, and they have a section for helping people leave the lifestyle. I have heard good things about them, a man came to our church who is no longer a homosexual, and he married a former Lesbian, and they are now walking with Christ and sharing their story with others.
I will be praying for you, and please know, God loves you very much to not help you out of this. He will help you through this.
I just found another one. Exodus Youth.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 12/17/2008 1:50:19 PM
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jimr1
Posts: 29
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
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Matt the very fact that you asked tells me you are saved. That does'nt mean the desires of the flesh will go away. How you live on a daily basis will determine your qaulity of life. It's the grace of God that teaches us to say no to all unrighteousness. Unfortunatly this is a lifelong battle. If you study the book of romans especially chapters 7-8, Paul gives a good description of our lives in Christ. Also do a study of who you are in Christ. Ephesians is a great study. Hope that helps.
_____________________________
Bless the Lord, Oh my soul. I thank the Lord that one day I too will be changed. I will shed this body of corruption and put on a new incorruptable body.
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 1/2/2009 8:36:57 PM
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JohnnyThunder
Posts: 13
Joined: 1/1/2009
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Matt I believe everyone will go to heaven. I would like to know, if it's OK with you, how attracted are you to men and how much are you attracted to women? For example I would say I'm about %5 attracted to Men and %95 attracted to women. Although I would say that there is about a %15 chance of Error due to social pressure to remain straight.
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RE: Help, I am in desperate need of answers - 1/3/2009 6:07:54 PM
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GraceBro
Posts: 295
Joined: 12/17/2005
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Matt, the answer to what you struggle with starts with your identity. I am going to assume that you are a born again Christian. As such, you are a child of God. You need to look at yourself as God sees you. Unlike the world, God does not identify you by your worst sin. He does not see you as Matt, the homosexual. He sees you as His child because of your faith in Christ. You are not a homosexual. If you were, you would not consider engaging in that sin a problem because it would be consistent with who you say you are. But, as a child of God, you will begin to discover that homosexual activity is not consistent with who you are in Christ. This is the key to you beginning to see a decrease in the sin in your life. You will always have that struggle between your flesh and spirit. However, as you learn to trust God more with your life, in accordance with the truth about your inheritance in Christ, the fears and struggles you fight against will diminish. Understanding your identity will make the scriptures start to fall in place. You won't get mixed messages from Scriptures any longer. When the Bible talks about homosexuals not inheriting the Kingdom of God, it is not talking about Christians who struggle with that sin. It is describing unbelievers who identify themselves by that sin, endulge in it and encourage others to do the same.
Just remember that as a child of God you are holy, blameless, sanctified, justified, reconciled, cleansed, righteous, at peace with God, free from condemnation, made perfect, totally accepted, safe from God's wrath, a new creation, a temple of the Holy Spirit, adopted into God's family, in fellowship with God, have total access to God, made complete and have been given everything. There is more, but that is allot right there.
Grace and Peace, brother...
_____________________________
www.livinggodministries.net
http://96toLife.blogspot.com
360.yahoo.com/idog96
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