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I'd like to help my friend. - 2/15/2010 10:49:22 PM
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luvsrickforever
Posts: 847
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I've been writing to a pen friend since the 70's. We still write. She never graduated high school. Her parents let her quit because she was bullied in school because of her weight. She is an only child. Her dad was her step dad and he passed away. She never knew her real father and says her mom doesn't even know who he was. Her mom passed away about 3 years ago, maybe 5. I'm not sure exactly how long ago it's been. She has a cousin watching out for her. She said her mom asked this male cousin to take care of my friend if anything happened to her, my friends mom. She also told me that her mom left her some money but when she asked her cousin, he said her mom didn't leave her anything. I think he's lying and took the money for himself, because it's not being used on her. She had to move out of her house, the house she lived in with her parents, to live in a indigents home, a home for people who have no money and have no one to care for them and no money. She claims she has a handicap that makes her unable to work. A handicap that some doctor says she has, and when she told me, I didn't believe it. She seems very normal to me. I mean, I knew a girl who was blind, deaf and mentally challenged and had a job, so I know she can get one. Her parents never made her work so since the 70's, she's worked almost one year and quit both jobs.
My question? How can she find the money she says her mom left her, if it isn't all gone already? She says someone at her church, a pastor and a member of the church, also told her that her mom left her money. She lives in AL, Birmingham, to be exact. How can I help her? She hates where she's living and wants to move back to her house.
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Peace & Luv,
Gail
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/15/2010 11:31:40 PM
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APZR
Posts: 1056
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From: GA
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Stay out of it, the family may be issuing some long needed tough love. All I see from your post is the one sided complaining of a fat, lazy, physically enabled person who expects everything to be GIVEN to her. Some people have to hit rock bottom before changing. If she was in my family, I'd sit on the $$$ until she showed some signs of wanting to do better for herself by herself. Your "pen friend" sounds like a poisonous friendship to me. Personally, I would have cut off all contact long ago.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/16/2010 12:08:45 AM
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relady
Posts: 634
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If her mother died without a will, then her estate should have been put through probate and whatever she had (that wasn't left via beneficiary) would be divided according to state probate laws. She needs a good probate lawyer. And if I were her friend I would recommend that. Beyond that, stay out of it. It sounds like a very poisonous family matter.
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/16/2010 4:24:05 PM
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clydewolf
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I agree this pen pal should get a look at probate court records in the county where her parents lived. She can do this her self or have a friend look at what mom and dad left behind. Probate court records are open for anyone to view.
It doesn't sound like they left very much. It sounds like the parents did not own the home where they lived. Hiring a lawyer as a first step does not sound like a good first step.
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/16/2010 11:09:19 PM
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relady
Posts: 634
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From: Greater St. Louis Metro
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quote:
Probate court records are open for anyone to view.
I didn't realize that. In that case, she should probably do her homework before resorting to a lawyer.
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/17/2010 1:03:33 AM
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luvsrickforever
Posts: 847
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I'm sorry if I come off sounding snarky about my pen friend. She's been a friend for a long time but it just makes me mad that her parents treated her like that and now she's in this kind of trouble. No education, no job, how can she hope to survive? I'm glad she has a cousin watching out over her but not if he's taken all the money her mom left her and spent it on himself.
She told me that her parents owned the house but she couldn't afford heat, electricity, ect. & she couldn't afford to pay any of that with out any money. Her cousin is supposed to be helping her with the money her mom left her, like with the heat, electricty, etc. He isn't if she had to move to where she is living now.
I'll tell her about probate court and see what she can do. I just feel bad that her mom left her money and her cousin is telling her there isn't any.
_____________________________
Peace & Luv,
Gail
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/17/2010 3:54:07 AM
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myhusbandswife76
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Keep in mind that your only hearing her side of the story. From your OP, you also described some one who always wants others to take care of her, and do for her. This may be just another example. She may be telling you this story to try to get you on her side to go after her cousin for her. I'd stay out of it were I you.
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/19/2010 4:22:31 PM
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DeeAnnBailey
Posts: 1366
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From: SC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: myhusbandswife76
Keep in mind that your only hearing her side of the story. From your OP, you also described some one who always wants others to take care of her, and do for her. This may be just another example. She may be telling you this story to try to get you on her side to go after her cousin for her. I'd stay out of it were I you.
I agree!
First it is not the parents responsibility to take care of an adult that COULD take care of themselves. I'm not trying to be mean but while I agree her parents didn't do her any favors in letting her quit school and so forth, she should have some 'want to' of her own!
She says her mom left her money, well does she eat, is there rent on where she lives, is she on any meds that would take that money? Does the cousin know she wouldn't keep $$ for those things if she got her hands on it? I don't know I'm just asking.
I doubt having an adult that will make no effort to take care of themselves is something this cousin is thrilled about either.
Just want to point out there are a number of ways to look at this!
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D. Ann Bailey
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/19/2010 9:24:02 PM
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peace77
Posts: 485
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Gail,
It may be that there was money at one time. But if she has been living on it for 4 or 5 years, it may be gone just because she used it up.
If she truly is disabled, she can apply for disability (SSI). She can contact her local Social Security office to apply.
However, it takes months and sometimes years to be approved.
In the meantime, she can look for work. She could contact the local Goodwill organization for assistance or her local state Department of Vocational Rehabilitation.
Peace,
Anne
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/21/2010 12:22:18 AM
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luvsrickforever
Posts: 847
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She's on SSI and gets $50 a month which is going down to $35 I think she told me. She goes somewhere to get some job training but I don't know if she gets paid for anything. She is a diabetic and has a weight problem. She goes to a doctor for the usual tests you go when you get older. She's in her late 40's I believe or she turned 50. I don't remember how old she is.
She lived in her house for about 2 or 3 years. The mortgage was paid she said. I was just trying to be a good Christian and help her out if I could.
_____________________________
Peace & Luv,
Gail
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/25/2010 3:03:59 PM
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DeeAnnBailey
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From: SC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: luvsrickforever
She's on SSI and gets $50 a month which is going down to $35 I think she told me. She goes somewhere to get some job training but I don't know if she gets paid for anything. She is a diabetic and has a weight problem. She goes to a doctor for the usual tests you go when you get older. She's in her late 40's I believe or she turned 50. I don't remember how old she is.
She lived in her house for about 2 or 3 years. The mortgage was paid she said. I was just trying to be a good Christian and help her out if I could.
Gail, I don't want to sound harsh and I'm afraid my other post did, if so, I apologize. However, Diabetic doesn't keep her from working, weight problem generally doesn't either, although I don't know her weight and at a certain point that can become a liability.
I don't know how young you are but late 40s to 50s isn't old, I'm almost 57 and I have a yearly physical with a few tests related to that and that is all. 40s to 50s NORMALLY doesn't mean addtional doctor appointments.
Even if the house was paid for, there is insurance and taxes, not sure about her state but in ours unless you are are 60 or above your property taxes can be huge. That could easily have eaten away at any $$ left. Also if she is having to go to the doctor outside of the number, there are doctor bills and meds to pay for, unless a huge sum was left it would be eaten through quickly.
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D. Ann Bailey
My Blog
http://deesdelightsdelusions.blogspot.com/
<<<<<<The love of my life - precious Erin!
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 2/25/2010 9:04:27 PM
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GregandJenny
Posts: 500
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From: Near Seattle Washington
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quote:
She's on SSI and gets $50 a month which is going down to $35 I think she told me.
at 100% disability?
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 3/1/2010 3:47:54 PM
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DeeAnnBailey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GregandJenny
quote:
She's on SSI and gets $50 a month which is going down to $35 I think she told me.
at 100% disability?
That sounded very far off to me as well.
_____________________________
D. Ann Bailey
My Blog
http://deesdelightsdelusions.blogspot.com/
<<<<<<The love of my life - precious Erin!
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 3/1/2010 6:37:58 PM
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myhusbandswife76
Posts: 411
Joined: 4/24/2009
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quote:
She is a diabetic and has a weight problem.
There are plenty of overweight, diabetics that make a good living. Something dosen't add up here.
quote:
I just feel bad that her mom left her money and her cousin is telling her there isn't any.
That's your friend's story. How do you know what the real story is?
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 3/1/2010 10:54:12 PM
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relady
Posts: 634
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
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quote:
There are plenty of overweight, diabetics that make a good living. Something dosen't add up here.
If she is in her 40s to 50s and has never worked and has no job history, she probably will have a very difficult time finding any kind of work. Age discrimination kicks in for women around 40-45 and without any work history? In this huge employers market? Shouldn't stop her from trying, but I'm tellin ya, the fact that she's never worked is certainly not in her favor at this point.
Sorry to burst anyone's "bubble" about the state of affairs, but we live in a very discriminatory, unfair society, especially with respect to overweight, aging women. Ahhhh, the "joys" of a free market. Not.
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 3/3/2010 12:03:13 AM
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relady
Posts: 634
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From: Greater St. Louis Metro
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quote:
Yes, the free market is a joy...if not meddled with by the "Centralized Gobment". I generally agree with you...as long as the free market is working properly and behaving itself. When it's not, as with the current wall street / big bank mess, then I am all for the heavy hammer of "gubment" telling them what they will and will not do. The worse they misbehave the worse the punishment should be. If you can't behave you get punished. What ever made business exempt from that rule?
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 3/3/2010 10:55:05 AM
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APZR
Posts: 1056
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
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I'm certainly not a fan of big box banks, but you can't get made at a Lion when he kills a beautiful Gazelle to eat. Our Gobment officials are the ones who passed the "too big to fail" laws, and the banks gladly accepted the advantage handed to them. It was the heavy hammer of Gobment and knee jerk passing of legislation that caused this mess, not the markets. Want a good read? Check out The Housing Boom and Bust by Thomas Sowell. It's a study of economics and the housing market starting back from before the great depression of the 1930's. It will open your eyes as to how much the government meddling has severely damaged our overall economy.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 3/3/2010 11:27:16 PM
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relady
Posts: 634
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
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quote:
Our Gobment officials are the ones who passed the "too big to fail" laws, and the banks gladly accepted the advantage handed to them. Actually, yes, the government was responsible to some degree for this, but it was because the LESSENED GOOD REGULATIONS that it happened. They need to rectify that, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. The banking lobby is too powerful and until you break some of the lobbies you'll never fix this issue. The free market allowed to run wild with no regulation ultimately ends with the exact opposite -- little to no competition and monopolies. If the government cannot or should not regulate and industries can't/won't/don't self-regulate what is the answer? I think my answer would become: move to Canada. LOL.
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 3/3/2010 11:31:55 PM
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relady
Posts: 634
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
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quote:
but you can't get made at a Lion when he kills a beautiful Gazelle to eat. True, but you also do just let the lion run wild in the gazelle pen killing and eating whatever it wants. 
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 3/4/2010 9:29:34 PM
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APZR
Posts: 1056
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
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I honestly don't know anything about Canada, but I do know it's NORTH. I don't like cold weather and I'm currently about as far north as I want to be. Despite the warts, I still think we have the greatest country to live... people are still scrambling to get in, even during a deep recession. Besides that, I'm not going to let a Cult of Personality president, whom I believe is a one termer like Jimmy Carter, run me away from my home.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 3/5/2010 1:52:38 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7752
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GregandJenny
quote:
She's on SSI and gets $50 a month which is going down to $35 I think she told me.
at 100% disability?
This is very possible if she is living in a group home. The government would leave her a very small amount for personal items like hair cuts and clothing. The rest would go to pay for her room and board.
_____________________________
Often times the battle is the worst right before a breakthrough. In order to get us to give up, the devil wants us to think we are losing, when in fact we need to fight on to victory.
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RE: I'd like to help my friend. - 3/5/2010 2:23:22 PM
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Ps103
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