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Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/10/2008 3:56:48 PM
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flowerz
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I was talking to a christian man at work, and he mentioned to me that he decided to work in another part of the building for a while because there were some teen girls where he was and they were wearing tight shorts, or something like that. He was trying to keep his thoughts pure, which was great.
Considering he is in his 40's, is it normal for men this age to have struggles with lusting after girls so young?
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/10/2008 4:03:59 PM
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kd4hvz
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I'm not sure if it is "normal", but it seems to be "common".
I work with teens, and those that work with me all look at these teens with compassion and as if there were our own. But I have found countless men that see every female through sexual lenses and can't get past the idea that they are females and mature to the idea that they are God's little girls and to see and treat them as such. You will find all kinds of ways that men look at girls. Some healthy, so not.
In the end, men see through a vast degree of lenses, and some just never get past a sexual mindset. For those men, it is best they protect themselves just like an alcoholic often never lets go of their desire to drink and has to keep a safe distance.
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-Michael in beautiful Bedford, VA
[http://www.kd4hvz.com/]
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/10/2008 6:39:30 PM
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Child4Jesus
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quote:
ORIGINAL: flowerz
I was talking to a christian man at work, and he mentioned to me that he decided to work in another part of the building for a while because there were some teen girls where he was and they were wearing tight shorts, or something like that. He was trying to keep his thoughts pure, which was great.
Considering he is in his 40's, is it normal for men this age to have struggles with lusting after girls so young?
Unless this man is a pedophile I would assume he is referring to the older teenage girls there. Some 16, 17, 18 year old girls look much older physically. Depending on how they look body wise and how the clothes fit I could see why he would want to stay away as not to lust.
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In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/10/2008 6:42:52 PM
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MrFribbles
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quote:
Considering he is in his 40's, is it normal for men this age to have struggles with lusting after girls so young?
In my experience, yes, it is. The term "pedophile" is thrown around a lot, and sometimes justifiably, but it really only counts as an unusual sexual deviancy if the girl is not sexually developed.
So, I would say it is fairly normal, though it certainly isn't a good thing; but then, what lust is? I'm proud of the man for making the decision to remove himself from the temptation as best he can.
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You're a door without a key,
A field without a fence.
You've made a holy fool of me,
And I've thanked you ever since.
- Aaron Weiss
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/10/2008 9:18:00 PM
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mrtigger
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quote:
ORIGINAL: flowerz
Considering he is in his 40's, is it normal for men this age to have struggles with lusting after girls so young?
I don't think so.
I don't know if it is common or not but I don't think it is entirely "normal" either.
Regardless, the guy is doing the right thing by distancing himself from the source of his temptation. He probably would be wiser to leave the reason unsaid however.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/10/2008 11:26:04 PM
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OneJohn410
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quote:
ORIGINAL: flowerz
I was talking to a christian man at work, and he mentioned to me that he decided to work in another part of the building for a while because there were some teen girls where he was and they were wearing tight shorts, or something like that. He was trying to keep his thoughts pure, which was great.
Considering he is in his 40's, is it normal for men this age to have struggles with lusting after girls so young?
Teen girls wearing tight shorts in his part of the building in November in Canada? Are teens seen a lot in the building? Instead of in school? He said he lusts after teens to you?
I don't have anything to say unless there's more details. It all sounds way too insinuating to me of your coworker on your part presently.
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/11/2008 10:58:49 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: flowerz
I was talking to a christian man at work, and he mentioned to me that he decided to work in another part of the building for a while because there were some teen girls where he was and they were wearing tight shorts, or something like that. He was trying to keep his thoughts pure, which was great.
Considering he is in his 40's, is it normal for men this age to have struggles with lusting after girls so young?
This is an incredibly hard question to answer because if you try to answer it truthfully everyone thinks you're a perv. But since I have a long history of "taking one for the team" and being the sacrificial lamb. here we go....
First, biology has no age. When a girl reaches sexual maturity certain changes happen in her body and she becomes a woman. A guy glances around the room and sees what appears to be a woman who looks very nicely formed. Most guys are visual so this can lead to problems right off the bat.
Then he finds out she's 16 or so (Or these days even younger). Problem gets multiplied.
A few years ago (well closer to 10 actually) there was a girl attending church with us who was about 15 or 16. She was physically mature and was in the habit of wearing blue jeans that "displayed her assets" in a most distracting way.
This caused a problem for me. But how to fix it? I couldn't talk to her, that would be just too creepy (even I would feel creepy about it). I couldn't talk to her parents ("why are you looking at my little girl's bottom?"). I couldn't talk to church leadership for much the same reason. I had no recourse to get the situation fixed.
Guys are in a very difficult situation at times like this (in fact for any sexually related matter at all). If we don't say anything the ladies continue to dress immodestly and we spend the whole service struggling to look elsewhere. If we do say something we're seen as perverts. [Catch-22]
I mentioned this on a secular site and ran into exactly that reaction. Very few were the people who understood the point.
(So ladies, please do us a favor and police yourselves and the younger set. If they want to dress like that away from church where we can avoid them, fine. But give us a break in church OK?)
(10 bucks if this was not a "he says" thread some lady would chime in and say "You shouldn't be looking there")
So is it normal for men to "lust" after teen girls? It's kind of an unfair question as we don't know whether your co-worker was lusting. Seems to me he was trying to avoid the temptation to lust. Which was the proper thing for him to do.
As to the teenage thing. Our minds may recognize that they are teenagers, but our eyes sometimes do not. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman.
How did I handle my situation? We were fortunate in that the church was L shaped and we could move to the other wing. Of course I had no liberty to tell my wife why I wanted to sit over there for a while but she never asked so it ended up OK. After about two weeks or so that family changed churches. Problem solved for me but I'm afraid no resolution to the larger problem. She just moved churches.
[edited by moderator]
< Message edited by Ps103 -- 11/20/2008 11:53:27 PM >
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/12/2008 12:21:03 AM
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APZR
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Good job John O... you hit the nail on the head IMNSHO.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/12/2008 1:03:26 PM
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flowerz
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Thanks.
quote:
I would assume he is referring to the older teenage girls
Yes.
quote:
Teen girls wearing tight shorts in his part of the building in November in Canada?
We work at a high school, so there are teens around. There are often games after school, so the girls were probably dressed up in their sports uniform.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/12/2008 5:12:35 PM
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NoShow
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I'd first say that:
quote:
ORIGINAL: flowerz
He was trying to keep his thoughts pure, which was great.
Doesn't equal
quote:
struggles with lusting after girls so young?
There's a book and group study, that many churches have used, called "Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time", which lowers (or raises) the bar for many men. Basically the book says that one doesn't have to look at porn or go to a strip club to have a "problem" with sexual temptation, that the mere act of a lingering glance at a lingerie picture in a department store ad, can be enough foothold for the enemy.
So your co-worker may not have lust issues, rather he may be conducting himself in a manner to also prevent developing any issues.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/12/2008 7:24:44 PM
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dwain
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40's?
I would say no it is not normal. Married or single.
I did not read the other answers.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/12/2008 11:02:35 PM
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makarizo
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where lust is concerned, I don't think it is uncommon at all.
acting upon a lust is bad, and uncommon, but if a boy, or a man of any age is attracted (to a young or old woman) and carries it to the next level of dehumanization.... he is probably stuck in a nasty habit, and probably needs help.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/13/2008 10:58:16 AM
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lightbeamrider
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Biologically men are visually stimulated. It is part of who we are and there is nothing really sinister about it. It can be if it turns to lust which simply means if the opportunity presents itself the man would, shall we say, '' sell his birthright for a single meal (?)'' I just do not view my biology as a man as evil in and of itself. I do not believe it is necessarily healthy to avoid females who are young and attractive as Christianity is inside out and this sounds like an outside in solution. The problem is not with young female who dress provocatively at work. If i cannot control my gawking at them then the problem is with me. Besides, after one talks to them for any length of time or listens to their conversations much of the initial attraction disappears. Biologically they are mature and they are not children. That is biological fact. We infantalize them believing it is for their own good and for the good of society. That is a big part of why i believe many find themselves pregnant and going to abortion clinics. Their biology is telling them something different. Most unbelievers reject Christianity because of the celibate until marriage thing. They just don't want to deal with it. Part of the reason men and women are so strongly attracted to each other is because, given our differences, if we did not have a strong, natural attraction, we would not mix. If we do not mix, we become extinct. What helps me is having a fatherly mindset towards younger females. I find self thinking she needs a good kick in the behind and to be told to get some decent clothes on. If i look at her with lust i am sinning (?) Don't take it all so seriously. God knows who we are and what we are about. At work i fixate on work. That way i am more able to do a better job.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/13/2008 11:09:20 AM
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DaveW
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If "normal" means common - yes. If "normal" means the way God wants us to be, then no.
John O said it pretty well.
I would like to add that as teen boys, those girls are incredibly attractive. Hormone overload takes the mind in certain directions and the brain wires its circuits that way.
Just because I am now in my 50s does not mean that what or who was attractive to me at 15 is any less attractive to me now. More things are now attractive, as things are added. Barring some intense occurance physically or emotionally, things do not usually drop off the list.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/13/2008 9:48:39 PM
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jn1010lf
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Hello flowerz
It isn't normal for men to be overcome by temptation of any kind but yes, it is common. Now I think someone needs to give some wise counsel to the teens. Sexy dressing gets sexy results. Girl should be taught to dress so that they don't broadcast wantonness. They are asking for it if theyh do.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/13/2008 10:17:33 PM
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OneJohn410
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quote:
ORIGINAL: flowerz
Thanks.
quote:
I would assume he is referring to the older teenage girls
Yes.
quote:
Teen girls wearing tight shorts in his part of the building in November in Canada?
We work at a high school, so there are teens around. There are often games after school, so the girls were probably dressed up in their sports uniform.
Usually school team uniforms are not tight-fitting. Whatever happened there, whatever this guy saw, it sounds a little bit more than just the girls team getting together for some after-school practice. Is it normal for someone his age, in his position, to lust for the ladies? I'd say no, that he could do something stupid in it and lose his job. If it's bothering him, it should perhaps be brought up to a principal or vice-pincipal by him. That'd be the really mature thing to do. If the ladies are not conscious of their dress, think about what it could be doing to any guy peers in attendance after school.
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/14/2008 12:59:58 PM
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DaveW
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rayofsonquote:
Besides, after one talks to them for any length of time or listens to their conversations much of the initial attraction disappears. ROFLOL! Funny? Yes.
BUT, I have found one of the best ways to dispel attractions like that is to get to know them personally. Then they become "daughters" or younger "sisters" instead of sex objects. It is not just being annoyed at their immaturity, which is seemly alluded to here, but seeing them as God's girls, as real persons.
Whenever we dehumanize anyone, we denigrate God who made them in HIS image. This society has a long history of dehumanizing everyone.
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Avatar is Saphira 5 months and Louvena at 23 months!
We are now grandparents TWICE!!
====================================
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/14/2008 1:52:02 PM
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terryjohn
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Not a nessecity. I once knew a teenage girl and one day I saw her dressed in such a way that her stomach was revealed and I was suddenly really quite sick and could not look at her not out of shame but disgust. Probably much like guys do not want to change a babies dirty nappies.
I understand the guy wanting to work somewhere else for I went to a beach one day and there were a large group of young teenage girls on the beach and honestly their behavour was so annoying I had to pack up and go and find a quieter beach. Now there may be some fascination for such girls when men have no love or any real understanding of love but otherwise they are simply an annoyance.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/15/2008 1:01:39 AM
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lightbeamrider
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In order to get to know personally, young females, one has to spend time with them and there has to be common ground or shared interest. Be it biblically or some other area of common interest. Since young females and mature men travel in different circles, are at different stages and have different interests these things do not usually happen. Certainly it was not my intent to ''dehumanize'' females or to deny the fact they are in the image of God. Besides, i cannot dehumanize anyone anyway. If i think of folks as ''subhuman'' i dehumanize self. Their Godlikeness remains intact. Certainly i am not the one who is in denial of their being real people. If i did then it would say more about me than it would about them. There is a vast amount of difference between being somewhat annoyed at what comes out of their mouths and concluding they are subhuman or denigrating God. According to Paul, Christian women are to dress modestly and discreetly. 1 Tim.2:9) Peter writes of this as does Isaiah 3. Immodest dress is a characteristic of an unbeliever or a harlot who also has illegitimate children and chases after other woman's husbands. These are their words, not mine. I remember an old episode of ''All in the Family'' in which Archie was saying to his daughter who had a short dress on...something to the effect ...if u bend over with that dress on the mystery will be over....which really made me laugh. Any father can relate to that. So ur premise...''when we dehumanize anyone'' is in error. I cannot dehumanize anyone..they can only do that to themselves. Since all things work for the good....methinks part of the reason unbelievers walk about in their blindness is to provide an example to us as how not to be. Not to imitate because ''everybody else is doing it.''
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/17/2008 12:02:21 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
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quote:
ORIGINAL: flowerz
Considering he is in his 40's, is it normal for men this age to have struggles with lusting after girls so young?
if he was lusting after those girls, i don't think it's normal. of course normal is subjective and changes depending on the world. however it's possible that just he was referring to a trigger to lust in general. i also wonder if he was trying to sound super-spiritual, i don't know that's something that needs admitting to an opposite sex co-worker.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/20/2008 9:04:59 PM
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buckifn
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quote:
Posts: 344
Joined: 1/6/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline I was talking to a christian man at work, and he mentioned to me that he decided to work in another part of the building for a while because there were some teen girls where he was and they were wearing tight shorts, or something like that. He was trying to keep his thoughts pure, which was great.
Considering he is in his 40's, is it normal for men this age to have struggles with lusting after girls so young?
No, it isn't normal...but then lusting is sin and sin cannot be described as "normal" most of the time.
I would be extremely cautious if a 40 yr old man was lusting after a teenaged girl.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/20/2008 10:20:11 PM
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John_O
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I'd just like to remind everyone that the man in the OP did not lust after the girls. In fact he went out of his way to avoid the temptation to lust.
It seems to me that this guy did the right thing and yet he is being hung in absentia for it.
If a man's weakness is food would we condemn him for avoiding the all you can eat buffet? NO. We would applaud him for knowing his weakness and taking the route that God provides to not give into it.
So why are we coming down on this guy when he did the right thing. KWIM?
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/20/2008 11:24:41 PM
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tscoffey
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quote:
Usually school team uniforms are not tight-fitting. Whatever happened there, whatever this guy saw, it sounds a little bit more than just the girls team getting together for some after-school practice. Is it normal for someone his age, in his position, to lust for the ladies? I'd say no, that he could do something stupid in it and lose his job. If it's bothering him, it should perhaps be brought up to a principal or vice-pincipal by him. That'd be the really mature thing to do. If the ladies are not conscious of their dress, think about what it could be doing to any guy peers in attendance after school.
You've never watched volleyball then, I assume. It is rare that a team, even Catholic school teams, dress modestly.
My daughters' team, and a Mennonite team they play, were the only ones with loose fitting shorts.
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RE: Is it normal for men to lust after teens? - 11/21/2008 8:21:34 AM
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mrtigger
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
It seems to me that this guy did the right thing and yet he is being hung in absentia for it.
I don't think we were bashing the guy. I don't think I did anyway. Although later I thought I should have included in my response to the OP that I don't think it's normal but neither do I think the guy is a sicko. And that I hope she does not think of him as a perv either.
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