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ORIGINAL: LBolt

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Me thinks you paint with too wide a brush, mabe you mean some Churches instead of all Churches.

When someone leaves our congregation (and does not move from the area) I want and ask for a meeting. We discuss the reason for their leaving and what kind of Chruch they are looking for. I will reccomend Churches that meet their criteria and offer to go with them to meet the leadership of those Churches. I do not use the 'Sitdown" to make excuses or to try to talk them out of their desired goal of changing Church homes. We were told that leaving the church was like getting a divorce. There was proper protocol...I have yet to find a verse in the scripture telling someone that you have to give a 2 week notice. I know Paul experience something similar when he choose to go to Jerusalem at against the admonishment of others.

I think Hobbs expressed from the heart the hurt that leaders experience. I only wish that I could write something to help soothe any pain you may have suffered.

When a Christian changes Churches they do not loose their Christianity and should be treated as a Brother/Sister in Christ.

Now some Pastors/Elders do not do this out of fear of being railed at by the departing folks; that has never happened to me, so I feel the fear is not justified.


Thanks
RC

I think what hurt the most was that they called a leadership meeting the following Tuesday to discuss the letter I wrote and how I was "off" on the points I brought up. I never received a phone call inviting me to the meeting or a brief sit down even though we've requested this 2-3 months earlier. I found out through a good frriend of mind. I was then rebuked by him for "error" and was told later that I was leaving my covering, that I was steering my family down the wrong path... This was my best frfiend outside of my wife, mind you.

However, was not all bad. Many still embrace us with love. On of the ministers told me that what I was receiving the body of Messiah and specifically that particular fellowship was in need of and that God indeed did shift my to learn what I am learning. This was great encouragement to me. Not that I needed the affirmation because my mind was already set and I know what I know. But this was very encouraging to me. I miss them very much. I returned only one Sunday after the Holy Ghost prompted me and ended shaking hands with the pastor and briefly talking. I also ran into an individual who had attended the church but moved out of state. He had been praying that he'd see me. YAH is awesome like that. I talk to another individual and was told how much my family and I were missed. There is a void felt when people leave. It hurts when you've invest alot of time and passion into something only to There is a void when there isn't proper closure. I know that I'll be visiting in the future for an assignment.

I can only imagine the hurt feelings felt on their end. You know, I have yet to receive a phone call and my number hasn't changed. My actions were that of self preservation and protection of the truth I have. Looking back, it was better for me not to have met face to face because the word could have been choked out of me .

We have to realize that we must love YAH more than earthly relationships. What I think what Messiah was speaking of in Luke when He said "you must love me and hate you family" is that in comparison it must be like hate. For example, I have a piece of candy that is sweet and I eat something else that is far sweeter than the previous candy, the first piece is like bland in comparison. Yes I like the first the but the second candy far exceeds the first piece. That's how I love for God should be compared to earthly relationships, like family and friends. It cost to walk and obey YAH but the rewards are worth it. No we are to completely abandon our family's but YAH must be first.

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Those who have left our church will be back. Lets see where they will end up! They will be back!

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Those who have left our church will be back. Lets see where they will end up! They will be back!

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ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga

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Those who have left our church will be back. Lets see where they will end up! They will be back!

Part of the problem is such elitist attitudes. This was also exactly what my old church said time and time again. Further, they damned those who would not come back, saying that they had rejected "the truth" and that they would go to hell for it. They also prophesied that those who would go to other churches would be "church hoppers," and they don't know how to deal with us because we aren't.

Such siliness.

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I left because I didn't find the preaching helpful.

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Yet, in our churches when we leave we are ignored, even preached about as though we are evil for leaving. Why can't we receive an "Exit Interview"?

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ORIGINAL: Sammy_S
I recently left my church too because there were false teaching being taught there and I got sick of it.My mother still attends the church and believes that I am being controlled by Satan(sigh..) and is thinking about kicking me out of the house.Whatever happens I am confident in my Lord and I know that all things are for good of those who love him.

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ORIGINAL: benelchi
I think the problem is that too many view church as a place to get their needs met rather than a place where we meet the needs of the body of Christ. .

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I cannot imagine allowing a member of the church to leave without understanding why, nor can I imagine leaving a church without trying to first address the issue that made leaving the church so imperative.

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But Benelchi and Pastor James, some churches do not allow this. I was not allowed to say or do anything. They decided I was wrong for wanting to wear a wedding band and look married, so I was out -- no discussion.

A friend who went through something similar to what I went through asked me to read a book -- Recovering From Churches That Abuse, Zondervan, by Ronald Enroth -- and to write notes in her book as I read. This author chose different scenarios of various abusive churches, the reasons people leave, what happens after they leave, what happens in the next place of worship they choose (if any), the spiritual and emotional trauma/quandary they go through, and more. It has been years since I have read such books after being booted, but I have learned, through reading this book, that I am still angry, still hurt, still question my own actions and motives, but mainly, I am still angry.

She dropped by the office today, and we talked. We are both still angry! And she has been out of her abusive church for 11 years, while I have been out for 8 as of this coming December.

As we talked, we both realized that the main things we are angry about are that we were so used by the leadership, that we stayed so long after knowing they were sick, and that both churches were so dishonest and expected the same of their adherents.

Leaving is not as easy as healthy people think. When one is already damaged at home, the next step for a person who loves the L-rd is to find a damaging church, and damaging churchesdo not have dialogue; they have monologue.

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The problem is you can't force people to stay either, this could turn into a problem.

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In some cases as has been mentioned in this thread, you aren't able to get a meeting with the pastor(s). In my case I told three church elders and sent a letter to the church detailing why we left. My wife and I, mainly me, because my wife was afraid at the time, made attempts to sit down with our pastor but was canceled on a number of times. Also, I was not well versed enough to communicate thoroughly why I was leaving to go to a Torah teaching congregation. I knew the otherside of the argument but I also knew that there would be heated discussions. I also knew we would be negatively spoken of. Which was the case when a meeting was called the following Tuesday before prayer meeting. A meeting that I was not invited to. I found out through a friend of mine that served there in ministry.

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ORIGINAL: benelchi
I never said that leaving was something one should NEVER do, but something someone should never do without first trying to genuinely address the problem.

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ORIGINAL: benelchi
It should never be something that is easily or silently done.

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ORIGINAL: benelchi
the elders held absolute power over the congregation in this church.

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ORIGINAL: benelchi
I did eventually leave the church, but I did so with a very heavy heart.

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ORIGINAL: benelchi
but these same men have have still never apologized to anyone or acknowledged their sin

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ORIGINAL: benelchi
It is my hope and prayer that when the "training" is over, some of the new men will have the backbone to stand up for righteousness, but that is something yet to be seen.

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many pastors cannot get a hearing from those who have decided to leave

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The pastor, alone, made the decision...We had no board within the local church; the pastor was the authority and only Word.

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ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga

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ORIGINAL: Sammy_S
I recently left my church too because there were false teaching being taught there and I got sick of it.My mother still attends the church and believes that I am being controlled by Satan(sigh..) and is thinking about kicking me out of the house.Whatever happens I am confident in my Lord and I know that all things are for good of those who love him.

Sammy, I have read a little of what you write here and there over the months, and so far, what I read indicates that you are a real nice, feet-on-the-ground guy. Please talk to me, if you will.

What is being taught? Do you have biblical proof that it is false teaching? Are you able to talk calmly, quietly, gently with your mother, without disrespect or anger? If you don't want to say here, and you want to PM me, please do.

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ORIGINAL: earthless

Sammy can correct me if I am wrong.. but if I recall correctly, his mother is Word of Faith and it seems his church has now full gone that way as well.

Sammy - I do not know if you have read a portion of my testimony that I shared in the Benny Hinn thread.. it sounds like you're going through what my family and I did some three years ago.

Let us know and God bless you.

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ORIGINAL: gcsmithjr

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The pastor, alone, made the decision...We had no board within the local church; the pastor was the authority and only Word.

Covaan_Meshuga - That's both scary and downright unbiblical. Hopefully anyone who reads your post will understand that, if they find themselves in a church with a pastor who is the sole decision-maker with no other oversight, they should make a hasty exit. It's clear from the New Testament that the standard model of church governance involved appointing elders and deacons to oversee the affairs of the church. I think you're right that they did you a favor when they forced you to leave, and hope others can learn that lesson without having to go through what you did.